100/366 - caught napping
This boy flew off with his aunt and uncle early today for a week at Legoland. I know it's silly, but all I can hear is the flapping of wings in this house, every young face turned toward the door and the future. At our Easter gathering yesterday I said out loud that I'm a little sad to think of my oldest going off to college in the fall. "Well, he has to go sometime!" was the dismissive reply. I wanted to shout, "I know that, dammit!" But I didn't. I reminded myself that mama-hearts shouldn't be exposed in front of men who are not the fathers of their children and then I nodded and went back to setting cheese out on a tray and swallowed the ache in my throat.
At church that morning we sat behind newborn parents and their perfect weeks-old baby. That mama barely took her eyes off her little one, touching his round soft head, leaning down to kiss between his eyes, check again to make sure he is comfortable, smooth the sleep furrow on his brow, look and stare and drink him in. This is how mothers live, with all their soul poured longing glance by tiny kiss into their unsuspecting children.
And then all at once it's time to go and we must learn a new way to love, to live. I'll learn it...I will...
I expect it will be a quiet sort of week around here. With the boy away, Meg and I are going to sew and read and catch up on some Larkrise. It's been a hundred days of pictures here on the blog so far and we'll just keep on going day by day.