It happened again: a phone call, a pair of police officers, questions and statements and things that parents don't want to hear or imagine possible; a perpetrator in jail. Now the waiting for information from the DA. Will there be a trial? A grand jury hearing? Will someone have to testify? How do we move forward and protect our child when they seem entirely unable to protect themselves?
Today we stayed together, close. Held hands when there were no more words to say. Friends prayed for us; I don't know if we can even put words to all the prayers locked up in our hearts. In these early hours Peace is a Presence, blunting the sharp edges, slowing down the racing emotions.
In the dark, beauty shines brighter. I was lost in thought this morning, staring out the window, when my youngest came up quietly with a book in hand. "Could I read you some poetry, mom?" Oh child...I'll never forget the way you stood up so straight, cleared your throat, read Robert Frost aloud...just for love.
I told a friend that having been in this pit before, I know the way out already. Gratitude and forgiveness are the rungs to the ladder and I may as well begin to climb them right away.
~ for the people who cared enough to bring us the story
~ for the friends who cared enough to make sure everything was out in the open
~ for the kindness of the police officers and their wisdom in getting the needed answers
~ for a husband who called in sick because he knew we needed him to just. be. here.
~ for the laughter in the midst of it all
~ for the tears and the tender sharing of wounds and fears
~ for the poems read aloud and the chocolate cream pie made and the trip to the store to get junk food and more chocolate and eating dinner in front of a movie, all huddled together beneath blankets
~ for the emails and phone calls and kindnesses all day long
~ for the hope that never fails, the peace that passes all understanding...
I give thanks.
"Every year in the Advent season we read the prophet Isaiah: "The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who lived in a land of deep darkness - on them light has shined." This is what Christmas is all about - something radically new that cannot be generated out of the conditions of this world. It does not emerge. It comes. We do not extrapolate it. God promises it.
If darkness has descended upon you and your world, you need not try to persuade yourself that things are not as bad as they seem or to search desperately for reasons to be optimistic. Remind yourself instead of a very simple fact: the light of the One who was in the beginning with God shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."
~ Miroslav Volf
towards keeping the faith::
Tomorrow when I get up I will do the same things I always do. Prayer, writing, reading, listening. He will speak in His own time and own way and the darkness will not overcome it.
Forgiving a wicked person is almost easier than forgiving yourself.
There is no forgiveness without prayer...so we will pray for the man who sits in jail. We will pray for his family, probably more broken hearted than we are now. We will pray for new ideas and new answers, for the endurance to keep running the race. We will pray for the healing of souls and minds and bodies. And in prayer the Light will begin to shine and the darkness will not overcome it.
Good night my friends.
God is good and it is well with my soul.